Loco Cocina!

Shouldn't I be feeling something?

2010-02-01T10:35:00.000-08:00

Nutrisystem Day 7

Well I did it, folks... I finished an entire week on Nutrisystem, and I have to admit, it wasn't that bad. What is bad is that I don't feel any different. I expected to feel just the tiniest loosening of the waistband, but I don't. And that feels rather discouraging. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

Breakfast: Frozen French Toast. Yummy in my tummy, this gets an 8. It's a nice thick slick of breakfast deliciousness topped with 2 tbsp of sugar-free syrup and aside from briefly reminding me of my office-mate Carl, it was rather satisfying.

Lunch: Parmesan noodles with broccoli. This came in a cup-o-soup type styrofoam container and even though I followed the instructions, some of the noodles stayed a little crunchy. It definitely had a reconstituted cheese powder flavor to it, but it wasn't horrible. I'd say it rates a 5.

Dinner: Glazed Chicken. This is one of the frozen entrees and it was just OK. Another 5 on a 1-10 scale. It just reminded me of any typical frozen meal. The chicken was nice and tender though.

Dessert: Chocolate-chocolate chip pudding. I'm giving this one a big fat 9. I didn't use enough milk, so it thickened up a little too much, but I would definitely eat this again. The chips added texture and interest.

It had to happen sometime...

2010-01-12T10:28:00.000-08:00

Day Six:

I'm not a terribly picky eater. In fact, I can count on one hand (possibly borrowing a pinky from the other one) the number of foods or flavors I dislike. I enjoy a simple hot dog now and then just as much as I do the complexity of a duck confit cassoulet. So I honestly did not think I would encounter a meal I found inedible on the Nutrisystem plan.

I was wrong.

I was skeptical about the Swedish Meatballs from the first whiff and one of these days I'm going to learn to follow my instincts. I've been to IKEA, so I know how Swedish Meatballs are supposed to look and taste. They're generally served swimming in a beige cream-based gravy over egg noodles and I consider them a comfort food staple. So I was mildly offended when I opened a container of brown goo that some panel of experts at Nutrisystem seriously intended for consumers to ingest.

Had this been my first NS meal, I would have packed up the remaining boxes and flagged down the UPS man (who, incidentally, has a little extra time on his hands these days since he's not bringing me books from Amazon every other day, thanks to my new Kindle). Steve thought I was either grossly exaggerating the situation or was just plain jealous of his seared veal medallions and fresh vegetables, so he dressed it up with a little fresh ground pepper and hot sauce just so it wouldn't go to waste, and even HE couldn't choke it down. This is the man who orders a kids' meal at restaurants and then stuffs himself on the scraps from everyone else's plate. He's not much of a connoisseur. Of course, neither are my dogs, but even they looked at me like "Really? I'd rather eat deer poop."

Breakfast: Cinnamon Squares Cereal. 10. Loved it. I could have eaten 2 (or 3) bowls of it, but that would really defeat the purpose of this whole plan, wouldn't it?

Lunch: Meatball Parmesan Sandwich: 6. It was like a Hot Pocket "Sub." Soft bread on the outside, not much in the way of meatballs on the inside, but the flavor was tolerable.

Dinner: Chicken Noodle Soup. 7. Chicken was moist and tender. Very few noodles.

Dessert: Peppermint Cookie. 9. This was more like a big fat peppermint patty. I'd order more of those!

Big Cheater!

2010-01-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

Day Five!

I've been thinking about "Cheat Day" all week, but once it rolled around, I didn't even go all out. I'm riding the back of the willpower pony for as long as it's at the ranch!

I began the day with a 70 minute Yoga class that was relaxing and invigorating all at the same time. Plus it made me realize just how dry my skin is. It's hard to contort your body into so many different configurations when you're feeling tighter than Joan Rivers' last face lift.

Breakfast today was a yummy little ham and cheese omelette accompanied by vanilla yogurt with fresh blackberries. I was surprised by the omelette. I expected something much worse! I'm still not a fan of the smokey ham flavoring, but I'm sort of getting used to it. The eggs were moist and fluffy and there was enough filling to give it some interest. This is obviously a breakfast I could have made for myself using fresher ingredients, but for a frozen meal that was quick and easy, I give it a 6.

Lunch: Pasta & Beef. This came in a cute little microwavable cup and that might be the best thing I can say about it. It was ok if you enjoy beef-a-roni, but I personally have never gotten along with Chef Boyardee, so this one was difficult to stomach. I didn't mind it so much after the first few bites, but I wouldn't choose to eat this meal again. Score: 3.

Dinner: Our friends came over with their "Raclette," which is a Swiss cooking device that turns out a fondue-style meal. You melt cheese, along with your choice of toppings and condiments, in individual dishes that slip under the heating element. On top of the element is a grill for cooking meats or vegetables. For this dinner we offered Gruyere, cheddar or brie with minced spinach, mushroom, red pepper, jalapeno pepper, onion, and tomato. Everyone took turns cooking their own bite sized pieces of steak, sausage, marinated chicken, butterflied shrimp, scallops and veal. Not only was it fun and interactive, but it also forced you to slow down and enjoy each bite.

Afterwards we used the Raclette for dessert, grilling pineapples, brownies, cookies and marshmallows to dip in chocolate melted underneath. Everyone got a little creative adding mini M&Ms, butterscotch chips and graham crackers, but the piece de resistance was grilled PEEPS! That was the best cheat I could think of... gooey melted marshmallow encrusted in crunchy caramelized sugar. Mmmm, makes me look forward to next Sunday! I already know that will be on the menu.

Lazy Saturday

2010-01-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

Nutrisystem Day 4

We all got off to a late start this morning. It's a Saturday and we had nothing planned so everyone just sort of loitered. I woke Steve up at 7 and asked if he wanted to go to the gym before the girls woke up. He said yes, but we both closed our eyes and the next thing we knew it was 9:00. I worked out downstairs while everyone else watched High School Musical 52, The Senior Years and by the time 10:30 rolled around, I had a mutiny on my hands and everyone was begging for breakfast.

It's hard to be in charge of pancakes and pork roll when you're not allowed to have any, but the pain was dulled by preparing my own little packet of NS blueberry pancake mix. I didn't feel like I was missing out on a thing. The mix made two decent sized pancakes. The "blueberries" left a bit to be desired -- they were tiny little dehydrated things, but they added some flavor, nevertheless. I topped them with some sugar free syrup and gave 'em an 8.

For lunch, I made the girls sandwiches, so I joined them with a NS ham & cheese melt. It sort of reminded me of a toaster strudel. I was entitled to a dairy or protein serving with lunch, so I put a slice of lowfat swiss on top while toasting it. The sandwich was satisfying and tasty enough, though again, there seemed to be a smoke flavor additive of which I'm not terribly fond. Aside from that, I still give this meal a 7.

I took Madison and her girlfriend (also Madison) rock climbing and we were out and about for most of the afternoon. To ward off my the sugar cravings I still get from time to time, I took my dessert with me and savored it while the girls climbed. The peanut nougat bar was delicious and satisfying and it felt a little like cheating. This one gets a 9.

By the time I got home, I wasn't really hungry for dinner, so I just nibbled on some edamame and called it a night.

That Depends...

2010-01-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

Nutrisystem Day Three

It snowed a bit here overnight so the schools had a two-hour delay. I should have taken advantage of that time to exercise or organize something, but instead I used the time to catch up on some desperately needed shut-eye. Who knew that detoxifying your body fat, sugar, white carbs, caffeine and alcohol could wreak such havoc on your R.E.M. sleep?

Luckily this system makes it pretty easy to plan and pack lunch and snacks for the day, because I had to hustle to get in to work after the bus left. Nutrisystem gives you a daily meal planner that makes it so easy to keep track of your entrees and supplemental food. It also gives you a space at the bottom of the page to keep track of your water intake.

We are about to enter a Capital Campaign at work, so we've hired a consulting firm to conduct a feasibility study. For the past two months, I've shared my office with a nice enough gentleman named Carl. Carl drinks coffee that smells like maple syrup (at first I thought he smelled like syrup and I wondered if he had a two year old at home who gave him goodbye hugs during breakfast. I later found out that his only child is a Yorkie named Sparkles or Skittles or Jazz Hands who is blind and routinely falls down the stairs.) He talks to himself all day, sometimes verbalizing his half of an entire conversation happening in his head. He's also been known to spontaneously break into song, which was a lot of fun over the holidays. "Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney toniiiiight." Carl also says Ciao. A lot. Carl makes me glad that I work from home most days. But I digress...

So, after the usual morning chit-chat, I got on with my day and on with my water. And I quickly realized that the problem with drinking 8 glasses of water a day is that you also have to eliminate 8 glasses of water. And urgently. And cruelly, only a few ounces at a time. So every time my concentration reached a peak, so did my bladder and I had to jump up and rush off to the ladies' room. After about the 6th time, Carl gave me a reproachful glance over his glasses, eyebrows lifted to the heavens, and said, "Yaright?" To which I lifted my empty 16 ounce bottle of Aquafina, tilted it towards him and replied, "Third one today. Water in, water out. Capice? Now can you please stop humming It's Raining Men?" Ok, that last part I made up.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Swirl Granola Bar. This gets a solid 8. It was delicious. Crispy and chewy and full of cinnamon-y goodness.

Lunch: Pea Soup. I read some good reviews about this particular soup, so my expectations were high (and you know what they say about expectations). It wasn't awful, but it had a fake smokey ham flavoring that turned me off. Also, it was a little gritty, but I suppose it did moderate job of impersonating a cup of pea soup. Score: 4

Dinner: Pasta Alfredo with Chicken. Surprisingly, this was delicious and more surprisingly, it was a shelf meal. The presentation left a lot to be desired, but I suppose it would have been more appealing if I had transferred it to a real dish. The chicken was very moist, the noodles firm enough and the sauce was tasty. Plus it was filling. I didn't even finish my salad, though I did eat a small plate of asparagus. I figured after drinking all that water, I should add some smelly pee to the ongoing bathroom circus. Alfredo gets an 8.

Dessert: Carrot Cake. Solid 5. It was what I expected. Sort of dry... thin layer of "frosting" on top. It was OK with tea, but only OK.

Frozen is better!

2010-01-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

Nutrisystem Day 2

I took the "fresh-frozen" option on my Nutrisystem order, and while the pre-packaged, room temperature meals I had weren't half bad, I was really looking forward to discovering what kind of culinary delights awaited me in my frozen portion of the delivery. Imagine my delight when the phone rang on the afternoon of Day Two and the Schwan's delivery guy was on the other end looking for my house!

I knew it would take him upwards of 20 minutes to reach me from his location, but that didn't stop me from peeking out the front windows every 4 or 5 minutes like I was waiting for the Publisher's Clearinghouse van to pull up with balloons and a big whiteboard check. I met the driver at the door, brought the enormous puffy insulated bag into the kitchen and then just stood there and thought, "Oh great. Now what? My freezer's full."

Because we're experiencing sub-arctic temps here in the northeast, I considered leaving everything in the bag and just sticking it in the garage, but figured with my luck we'd have a brief heat wave, or I'd coax some little frost-resistant rodent into my garage. Either way, I'd risk wasting enough food to nourish a small third world village.

I donned my sledding gear and dove into the messy freezer, purging it of Tupperware containers loaded with sauces that predate the kitchen renovation, a few 1/2 gallon cartons containing 1 remaining frostbitten bite of ice cream, and a Ziploc bag of Jamie Hollander tortilla chips that I only saved because they came with a remarkably overpriced party platter and Steve was in one of his frugal moods.

I'm happy to say that all of the frozen meals fit quite neatly into the freezer, and though I've only had one so far, I'm looking forward to many more days of staring into that icy contraption trying to choose my next meal.

Breakfast: Maple/Brown Sugar Oatmeal. I give it a 9. Mix the packet with 1/2 cup of fat free milk and microwave. It was delicious and certainly satisfying enough.

Lunch: Chicken with Vegetables and Noodles. This was a little microwave container of semi-goodness. Maybe a 7. The chicken and noodles were moist, thick and tasty, but there was a bit too much sauce for my liking. When paired with a salad though, it was certainly satisfying enough.

Dinner: Frozen Ravioli in Tomato Sauce. Really, it was not bad. It was similar to any other frozen dinner out there... About 6 smallish raviolis with maybe 1/2 the amount of ricotta cheese you'd expect to find elsewhere. The sauce was good though. This I paired with braised brussel sprouts and a nice big salad. 7.

Dessert: Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. I should have known better. Oatmeal raisin is my favorite kind of cookie, so I should never have checked that little box. And I even ordered TWO. *sigh* I'm going with a 2 on this. It tasted like I imagined it would -- like a diet cookie sweetened with fruit juice. Blech.

Terrorist Cell?

2010-01-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

I remember the first time I felt Madison kick. I was 18 weeks pregnant and attending a black tie dinner. As the band hit a crescendo, I felt a fluttering drum roll move from one side of my swollen belly to the other. I was so startled that I wondered briefly what "What to Expect..." had to say about taking Beano during the second trimester.

I felt a similar feeling yesterday, but it lasted the entire day and hit a few crescendos of its own.

Nutrisystem, Day One.

I got on the whole Nutrisystem bandwagon during a Bento Box lunch with girlfriends from which I walked away bloated and tired. While I devoured my 6 little compartments of Japanese food, Sheri (who ate exactly half of her meal because she already practices strict portion control) extolled its virtues, claiming that her husband Jake lost 20 lbs and found it remarkably easy to stick to. Our other friend Maria was already riding high on that particular wave of hope and couldn't wait until January 1 to begin her Nutrisystem adventure. Her boxes were already unpacked and she had her meal plan written down and ready to go. By the time we walked to our cars, I too was convinced that this was exactly the sort of jump start I needed.

I came home and read a lot of reviews before I bought wholeheartedly into the prepackaged food idea. I was surprised by how many people raved about the program and even enjoyed the cuisine vs. those who thought it was garbage. I read everything from "It changed my life" to "I'd rather be fat than eat that food--I sold it all on eBay," but I decided to see for myself and ordered the "deluxe" program that offers frozen meals along with the dehydrated spaceman meals.

I was excited for day one until I got an email from Maria warning me about bloating. She was on day five, and wrote that it was getting easier and the food wasn't bad, but for the first three days she felt like a dirigible. Oh great. I certainly don't remember reading anything like THAT in the reviews.

Maria wasn't just whistling Dixie, so to speak. Maybe it's all the fresh vegetables that I'm not used to packing into my diet, or perhaps it's the way the NS food is prepared, but by 3:00 I felt like a float in the Macy's parade. It's a good thing I didn't have to fly anywhere because I was carrying around enough flammable material to be nabbed at Airport Security as Al Qaeda. Then again, one sneeze and I probably could have flown anywhere I wanted to all on my own.

All in all, roiling pockets of gas aside, the food wasn't too bad and the plan is easy enough to follow. You eat one pre-packaged item for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner and supplement each meal (plus a snack) with fresh fruit, dairy, protein, and lots of veggies. You also get one dessert each day.

For breakfast I had an Apple Strudel Scone, which was delicious. I expected it to taste like a NutriGrain bar (which I dislike), but it tasted more like dense cake. I had "Cheesy Mashed Potatoes" for lunch, which was OK for something you reconstitute with hot water. The "Buffalo Chicken Wrap" dinner was more of a joke than anything. It tasted OK, but the texture was all off and while the photo on the box shows big juicy strips of chicken wrapped in a soft multi grain tortilla, the actual meal was buffalo wing flavored mush with a few small chunks of chicken in it. It was impossible to eat like a wrap. I used a fork to eat the chicken and then dipped a portion of the wrap into the sauce.

The best part of yesterday's selections was dessert (natch!). The chocolate coconut bar is as good as any non-diet dessert, if not better. I savored it and enjoyed each little bite and I wouldn't even let Madison taste it! So I guess that just goes to show how I came to need the program in the first place.

Now let's hope day two is less of a gastrointestinal comedy than day one was!

*Friends' names have been changed to protect their gaseous identities.

Clearing out the Junk

2010-01-06T05:21:00.000-08:00

This morning marks day 10 of the ongoing Toy Room cleanout project. Mind you, this started as a way to de-clutter my office, but like most major projects, it had to start elsewhere. It makes no sense to pick out window treatments before the house is framed, ya know?

I now have a stack of boxes set aside for those kind souls who agreed to take some of the items off my hands. Bye-bye NordicTrak, Barbies, speakers, TVs, Gymboree clothes and 3 bags of linens that will be donated to an animal shelter. There's a lot yet to be organized and put away, but it feels so good to unload this "junk."

Now, onto the junk in my trunk...

Today is the official kick off of a little lifestyle change for me. The thought of cleaning up my food act has been rattling around in my head for a while, but perhaps putting it out there will help solidify my commitment to getting into better shape and ditching the nearly 20 lbs I have allowed to creep up on me over the past few years.

So, today, at a starting weight of 135.5, I am starting Nutrisystem and making a concerted effort to work more exercise into my life.

I did a trial run yesterday and got on the treadmill for 40 minutes, lifted some weights and made good decisions about everything I put in my mouth. At the end of the day, I felt great. Today I was up an hour earlier than usual and back on the treadmill.

We'll see how this Nutrisystem thing goes... I anticipate some bumps in the road, being a gourmet cook and all, but what I hope to gain from this experience is portion control, meal planning, and an appreciation for working fresh veggies into my meals. All of those things have gone by the wayside lately.

My goal is simple. I don't need to see a certain number on the scale or on my waistband. I just want my wedding dress to fit. And I mean without having to wax up the zipper.

Stuff, glorious Stuff

2010-01-04T14:03:00.000-08:00

We're all familiar with the tale of Pandora's Box. According to ancient Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman, created on Zeus’ orders as a punishment for mankind. Her “box” (actually a sort of jar) contained many evil things, such as toil, illness and despair, but it also contained Hope. When the jar was opened, these evils as well as Hope were released into the world.

Maybe I should have hunkered down for a little late night Greek mythology refresher before I decided to open the door to the "box" that has become the final resting place for everything in this house that has no other special home. I don't know what made me think that cleaning out the orphanage otherwise known as the "toy room" was either necessary or manageable given our high volume of social engagements over the holidays, but being the sort who enjoys a challenge (and being surrounded by clutter apparently), I dove deep.

Now it looks like the toy room vomited all over the rest of the basement, and I have unearthed so many treasures. And by treasures, I mean all the stuff I unsuccessfully tried to sell in a yard sale about 5 years ago and crated up with big plans for eBay. Frankly I don't have the time or patience to deal with eBay right now, so seeing as how one person's trash is another's treasure, I'm just going to create a list of the stuff that I'd like to give away. If you want it, it's yours, but you have to come pick it up. First come, first served... if you need a picture of something, let me know and I'll do what I can. Ditto for more details or a better description. But we'll start with the basics and go from there.

Also, I'm happy to box stuff up and ship it out if you wouldn't mind picking up the tab for postage via paypal or you can send me a check.

Let the Freebies begin...

Bose speakers (2)
KLM speakers (3)
Fisher speakers (3)
27" GE TV built in 2001 (might have a remote--I'll have to look, but the TV works great).
27" Toshiba TV built in 1998 (ditto above remote comment)
4 red/brown/gold decorative pillows
2 matching framed prints that have the same red/brown/gold colors in them
Glider/rocking chair with pop up foot rest (like on a LaZBoy), whitewash wood and green cushions (this was Madison's baby chair and I hate to give it up, but I have no room for it)
Madison's quilt/shams/decorative pillows (pink/green/light blue pattern) - Double bed.
Nordic Trak
Girls clothing size toddler through size 12
Barbies and accessories
A giant box of fake plastic play food
Books galore (will post a list of titles)
Pretty much any VHS tape produced for kids (will post a list of titles)
WASP barcode reader and stand
Wacom graphire3 wireless pen, mouse and tablet (brand new in box)
Soda Club soda maker and 4 bottles (http://www.sodaclub.com/)
2 EZ Bake ovens
A gazillion Beanie Babies
Lots of "pig" stuff (I used to collect pigs -- don't ask me why) including a leopard print piggy bank, a pig cookie jar, and lots of small collectibles
A ceramic nativity scene
A bunch of kitchen stuff (serving bowls/ plates, silver plated stuff, etc.)
Small yellow wall shelves (never used - still in box)

Just some of the book titles: Divorce Poison, How to Marry a Divorced Man, Re-married with Children, How to win as a stepfamily, keys to successful stepmothering, Celebrity Detox (Rosie O'Donnel), The Secret Supper (Javier Sierra), Cancer Schmancer (Fran Drescher), Dialogues (Stephen Spignesi), Freeing your child from obsessive-compulsive disorder (Tamar Chansky), Devil in the Details (Jennifer Traig), Living the Low Carb Life (Bowden), Everyone worth knowing (Lauren Weisberger), Stumbling on Happiness (Daniel Gilbert), Lisey's Story (Stephen King), How to get rich (Donald Trump), The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd), Smart Women Finish Rich (David Bach), Gardening for Dummies, Mexico's Beach resorts for Dummies, Moon Handbooks guide on Puerto Vallarta, Mexico's Best Beach Resorts, The girlfriend's guide to Pregnancy (Vicki Iovine), The girlfriend's guide to Toddlers (Iovine) (they are both hysterical, by the way), Couplehood (Paul Reiser), Essential Spanish (Berlitz), Bag of Bones (Stephen King), What was she Thinking? (Zoe Heller), Autobiography of a Face (Lucy Grealy), The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime (Mark Haddon), The devil wears Prada (Weisberger), To have and to hold (Jane Green), Relationship Rescue (Dr. Phil), Relationship rescue workbook (Dr. Phil), Bridget Jones' Diary (Helen Fielding), Tormenting thoughts and secret rituals (Ian Osborn MD), I don't know how she does it (Allison Pearson) Mars & Venus the Languages of Love (John Gray).

See my FB photos for pictures of the above stuff... it's too difficult to manage photos easily on blogger.

Lisa

Where has my day gone?

2009-04-23T10:43:00.001-07:00

It's a classic refrain, isn't it? What happened to my day? Only 5 minutes ago I was greeting the sunrise and now I'm preparing for the onslaught of homework, snack, channel-flipping, and miscellaneous outrageous requests. Where did the time go? I now have a little more insight into that age-old question:

I rolled out of bed a bit early this morning feeling chipper and ready to seize the day. I got all dressed for a chilly walk in the park and then due to a bit of poor planning on Madison's part, she missed the bus, setting into motion this entire chain of events...

First I have to yell and scream at Madison, then begrudgingly drive her late derriere to school. On the way out of the school parking lot, I remember that the dog is out of diapers and swing by the pet store, but they don’t open for another ½ hour. I decide to go home and grab some breakfast while checking my email. I get a sale flyer from Victoria’s Secret which reminds me that I have about $300 worth of merchandise that I bought online that doesn’t fit my fat ass and needs to be returned, so I pack it all up and spend 18 minutes looking for my tape gun (never find it – use duct tape instead). Run back down to my office to grab my phone where I see an email from a client who I printed brochures for back in February and haven't yet billed ($960). So, I create an invoice and get that out.

While attending to my little accounting matter, I receive a Facebook notification from my sister in law asking an urgent question, so I log on to answer her and see that a friend from high school whom I haven’t seen in 25 years finally posted family pictures that I have to pore over immediately, then see what everyone else is up to today, and take a quiz or two or nine.

Then I realize that the pet store has been open for over an hour and Missy is still wearing her diaper from last night and I need to get to the store pronto before she begins attracting woodland creatures from surrounding zip codes. I scoop her up to bring with me so I can show off her beautiful coat to the groomer (who owns the pet store) and notice that she desperately needs to be brushed after chasing Rascal around the dewey yard. I brush her out, re-do her top knot and head out the door where I see a check from CafePress that’s been sitting on the front table for a week and needs to be cashed.

I put the dog down, endorse the check, put the check between my teeth, grab the dog, the package that needs to be returned, my purse and keys and juggle it all out to the car. I get to the pet store and find out they don’t carry dog diapers.

We chat for 10 minutes about less expensive alternatives, then I rush into the grocery store where I spend another 20 minutes evaluating the 472 different choices of baby diapers wondering if a 10-lb baby is equivalent to a 10-lb dog. I finally find the cheapest package (without aloe, Sesame Street characters, glow-in-the-dark stars, nighttime protection, or elastic legs) when I am seized with a sudden craving for chocolate covered strawberries. While in the produce aisle, I also get bananas and a coconut.

I hit the self-checkout lane and rush home where I have a 20 minute discussion with Steve about Madison and Basketball (and the psychological ramifications of her not being prepared for this weekend's tournament). I look at my watch and it's 12:42!!!!

And I wonder why every evening ends with the same thought: Where has this day gone????? And can I get any of it back?

The i-Visa?

2009-04-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, December 15th... do you have any idea how much has happened since then? Of course you don't, because I've been a terrible blogger. I should be blog-flogged.

The short version includes:

2 trips to Orlando (Mom's b-day and Madison's b-day)
a romantic Mexican getaway for Steve and I (meaning that Steve and I went to Playa del Carmen without the kids, not that he initiated some heavy petting over a bean burrito at Taco Loco),
2 separate colds/bronchitis/sinus infections
decided to take on Cyclefest again (pray for me)
Madison's first confession (which better have included "I keep wearing makeup to school even though my mom threatened that the next time I do SHE will apply it, Amy Winehouse-style")
Allison takes first in all divisions at her cheerleading competition
saw Legally Blonde the Musical (again), Scorched (Philadelphia), a Brady Bunch Murder Mystery (dinner theater), and a few mildly amusing live comedians
got a puppy (that's not a typo)
had to take puppy to ER vet where she needed surgery for a hernia
realized that I only had 2 more months before my next AVON walk for breast cancer, correlated that to how out of shape I am, and almost faked a mysterious paralysis to get out of it.

So, that brings us to this week and I finally got out there and WALKED. I did it, people... I put one foot in front of the other and walked like it was nobody's business, arms swinging -- I may have even hummed. Even though I resisted at first, once I was out there I felt great. I felt the sheer joy of an amputee who has just been handed a pair of carbon-fiber prosthetic legs by Oprah.

Ah, it was glorious. I opted to forgo the iPod on this trip and just take in my surroundings. I noticed so many things that have eluded me all these years in New Hope. I found new restaurants, shops and a Dunkin Donuts that wasn't even there the last time I walked. And at 6 for $3, it's a good thing I left my money at home.

And that got me to thinking... how cool would it be to be able to pay for things with your phone? I rarely carry money with me when I'm out for a walk. I feel like the purpose of the walk is to get exercise and be healthy, and the C'est la Vie bakery I'm forced to pass on one of my more enjoyable routes is irresistible. I get near it, and the long, curling fingers of fragrant croissant steam wagging at me, beckoning for me to enter are too easy to follow if I've just shoved a wad of singles in my pocket on the way out the door.

However, I did pass a sidewalk sale and saw the cutest little pair of sandals that were just begging to come live in my closet. And that's when it dawned on me -- 'there should be an app for that.' Someone at Apple needs to get her thinking cap on and come up with a way to be able to use your phone as a credit card or ATM card (Introducing the "iTM").

I pull up the app, enter a secret password, then show it to the sales person. They, in turn, punch my CC # into the register along with, let's say, some randomly generated code, and *be-bap-boop-be-ba-beee*, it's called in and approved. What could be more convenient?

Anyone know a good programmer? And does anyone else know how to get me credit for this spectacular idea?

Child of God

2008-12-15T18:55:00.001-08:00

My 10-year-old daughter was Baptized on Sunday.

Her father is Jewish. I am, by a circuituous route, Spiritual, but not "religous." My parents both celebrated their confirmations -- I was Baptized Catholic, but somewhere thereafter things just fell apart.

I feel good about letting Madison choose her religion. She comes home from CCD with stories of God and Origjnal Sin and Jesus and I can't help but to allow my heart and mind to open just a little bit more. I love it that my daughter is teaching me things I have, until now, had my mind and heart closed to (Uh, oh... ending w/a preposition... "to which I have had my heart closed").

It was a good weekend. Thanks Laurie, for driving here from CANADA to be with us. And I'm glad that we all got to enjoy the wonderful brunch at Summer Kitchen together.

Enjoy the photos. Go to my Facebook page for more...

Getting Porked...

2008-12-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

I'm still sucking tonight's dinner out from between my teeth, but I had to tell you about it right away because it was so delicious that if I wasn't going to my biggest client's holiday luncheon tomorrow, I would get up extra early just so I could prepare it again and then look at it in rapturous anticipation all morning.

I should have taken a photograph. I would have had I not been overcome by the kind of food lust that, for me, only happens on the day after Thanksgiving or any time I'm at Sotto Varalli in Philadelphia (don't even get me started on their $45 tasting menu that leaves you stuffed tighter than Donald Trump's wallet).

I half-heartedly tried to get Steve to join me for forehead-slappingly-good burgers at 5-Guys earlier since we were Christmas shopping and it was right in the same strip mall. Thankfully, he declined, citing a list of leftovers clamoring for release from our refrigerator.

For anyone who's never been to a 5-Guys, I have only one piece of advice -- if you have the opportunity to eat there, run screaming to your nearest house of worship, bomb shelter, or anticipatory 12-step meeting. You will never be the same again. We stumbled upon one of these fine dining establishments last October in Alexandria, Virginia where we were staying for my friend Fin's wedding (and, coincidentally, celebrating my 40th birthday), and we single-handedly consumed such a large volume of beef and Idaho potatoes that they purposely chose our geographical whereabouts in which to expand their operations.

Since Steve took the high road and talked me down from my "I deserve a burger - I go to Boot Camp" tree, I whet his whistle with a promise of one very fine salad upon our return home.

Last night I prepared a roasted pork tenderloin, smothered in a 1/2 jar of La Choy Teriyaki glaze/marinade alongside sliced sweet potatoes (or yams), baked in honey and cinnamon. We also had broccoli broiled with some fresh lemon and grated Parmesan. Everything was wonderful -- and we had a ton of pork left over, as well as 4 slices of sweet potato (which I saved along with the thick, syrupy honey/cinnamon glaze).

Tonight's "Runner Up To 5-Guys Burgers" Salad consisted of:

Mesclun Mix (not to be confused with a Mescalin mix)
Cucumber - diced
Celery - chopped
Baby Portabella mushrooms (only on Steve's salad -- not because I don't like them, but because they were 4-days old, and that exceeds my 3-day fresh rule and he doesn't care)
Chopped raw broccoli florets
Chopped leftover sweet potatoes
Cubed leftover pork tenderloin
Shaved cheese (Swiss for him, Romano for me)
Chopped Clementine oranges (peel 2, slice through the segments to create small pieces -- one clementine per salad)
Grape tomatoes, cut in 1/2 (though I forgot those -- but would have liked them in retrospect)
You can use Onion if you like -- but we plan to smooch a little later...

And now the really important part... The dressing!!!

-- The juice of 2 clementine oranges
-- All of the scrapings of the leftover honey/cinnamon mixture at the bottom of the potato bowl (substitute 2 T honey and 1/2 tsp cinnamon if you didn't make sweet potatoes the night before)
-- 3-4 T of the Teriyaki sauce that you saved with the tenderloin (assuming you made a pork tenderloin in Teriyaki like I did -- if not, substitute 2T of regular Teriyaki sauce)
-- 1 T olive oil (I probably would have mistakenly used more, but that was all that was left in the bottle tonight)
-- 2 T Pear-Infused White Balsamic Vinegar. OK, so you probably don't have that. If not, substitute 1 T regular Balsamic or White wine vinegar or whatever kind of vinegar you have in the cabinet.

Whisk all dressing ingredients together.

After you've assembled the salad -- lettuce on bottom, then layer all the rest of the ingredients -- sprinkle with some sea salt and fresh ground pepper, then dress with 1/2 the dressing for each of 2 bowls of salad. It's OK to over-dress this one -- it's mostly sweet citrus, not a thick buttermilk ranch. So, go for it! Soak it!

We had a few pretzel crisps and some diet coke on the side. It was delightful and now I'm stuffed. Bring it on, Boot Camp! Time for bed... I have to be up at 4:45!!!

Well Hello, Mr. President!

2008-11-25T07:34:00.000-08:00

Thursday, 11/13 was the date of the big St. Mary Medical Center President's Society dinner, a celebration of appreciation for the hospital's major donors ($5K+ annually). After our success with June's Cyclefest (my first major event for the Foundation), I was asked if I'd like to be involved in the planning of this annual dinner. Oh sure, I said... bring it on. I'd love to be "involved."

What the powers that be hadn't discovered yet is that I am a bit of a control freak and involvement in my warped little brain means "stand back, look out, comin' through, here are my ideas, here are photos of my ideas, a prototype or two of my ideas, here are a list of vendors along with diagrams, charts and spreadsheets detailing how they will bring my ideas to life, and thanks everyone, you can all go home now because I have it all under control -- see you at the event."

Thankfully, everyone seemed to like my concept and no one got their hackles up about the fact that I essentially rattled off the game plan at the first meeting and then just ran with it, straight up the middle and directly into the end zone.

Last year they rolled with a Tuscan theme and the year before, a Brazilian Rodizio (which I admit I'm glad I wasn't there for because I probably would have gotten all old school authentic and gone for the wax too). So, this time around, in a year that boasted a monumental Presidential election as well as bottomless pit of Olympic medals, I thought it would be nice to bring it back home. This year's theme: A Taste of Classic America.

The overall feel was that of the America we miss (or have only heard about from our parents or grandparents) -- antique decor, centerpieces in old fashioned containers featuring timeless florals, fresh apples and a single 45 rpm, and a classic jukebox for the evening's entertainment.

Hors d'oeuvres were spectacular and consisted of Trenton Country Club's most requested appetizer -- Kobe sliders (mini burgers), table-seared and prepared along with mini hot dogs, sauteed shrimp and scallops, and a host of other passed nibbles.

Entrees were served at 4 separate stations, representing 4 regions of America: The Pacific Coast (Fisherman's Wharf), Southwest, New Orleans, and New England. Each station featured classic regional fare -- my favorite of which was the New England lobster tail, clam, potato and corn creation, which was steamed in individual nets and cut open directly out of the pot and into your bowl. Other entrees included pan seared salmon and tuna, pasta primavera, beef fajitas and jambalaya.

Dessert was not only delicious, but fun! Mini apple and cherry pies along with a foot-long banana split to pass around the table and dig into. The guests loved it! And if that wasn't enough to satisfy every one's sweet tooth, guests were treated to caramel apple favors and big jars of soda-shop penny candy on their way out.

The night was a huge success with the only down side being that it took place two nights before our own big Kitchen Reveal party. I really rode that burst of energy for all it was worth, only coming down this past weekend where I essentially did nothing but watch movies and decorate mini Christmas trees. But that's another post for another day.

I already have a few ideas for next year's PS dinner, but if you have any you'd like to share, please post a comment! See more photos of the event here (and use the password president).

Happy Hoochie-Ween!!!

2008-10-31T13:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween, Friend. Or as we're referring to it in this house, Happy Hoochie-Ween!

The other morning I was busy preparing Madison's lunch for school while she sat at the kitchen island eating her breakfast. The Today Show was on, as it is most mornings here, and they had just begun a segment on how little girls' Halloween costumes have become so trampy, even Britney Spears won't be caught by the paparazzi in them (watch it by clicking the above link).

In her excitement, Madison practically knocked over her milk when her arm shot out towards the television and she urgently squealed, "Mom! Look, LOOK! Mom, it's my costume!" She was so excited that you would have thought she was in it right there at 30 Rock accepting an award from The Today Show's very own Meredith Viera.

I, on the other hand, was not feeling quite so enthusiastic.

What are we moms supposed to do with our 10-year-old teen wannabes nowadays? For months now she's been very clear that she wanted to be a "Devil Princess" for Halloween. Originally she insisted that I make the costume, and had a list of explicit instructions longer than the bridge between Sarah Palin's house and Russia.

I declined the honor of slipping into the role of Martha Stewart for the occasion and chose instead to allow her to pick a costume online. Of all the devil girl costumes out there, this was the only one available in her size that was not midriff-bearing, so, I figured I was slightly ahead of the game. And then Matt Lauer informed me otherwise. According to national statistics, world reports and a quote from Jim Bob Dugger, my daughter is stepping out tonight as a bona fide hoochie-mama and will probably end up turning tricks for crack by the time she's through her second teen pregnancy.

What Mr. Lauer doesn't know is that this is a child who I secretly videotaped singing and "dancing" (strippers call it dancing too, right?) in the mirror to Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again" when she was 3 years old (Wow, Brit's getting a lot of play in these posts lately, isn't she?) . She begged for a Bratz doll costume in Kindergarten and I gave in, thinking it would be cute to tart her up back then before she began looking at boys as if they were anything more than cootie machines. Looking back, it does seem a tad "Pretty Baby."

I was so proud the following year when she dressed as a (fully-clothed) goth bride, then a cheerleader, an angel, and last year, a regular bride. I assumed maybe we were through the hussy stage. Dare I say, I assumed wrong?

Anyway, go ahead and try to strip me of my 2008 Mother-Of-The-Year award. You'll have to stand in line behind Madison, who is holding a grudge against me for making her wear a pair of opaque flesh-colored tights and long-sleeved bodysuit under her costume. Wait until the sun goes down and I also make her wear a coat! Oh the inhumanity! I guess I had better confiscate her pitchfork tonight before it ends up jammed in my temple.

Halloweens Past: 1998-2002

Will the "Real" Hoochie Mama, Please Stand Up?

Rest In Peas...

2008-10-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

With Halloween crushing down upon us, I thought I would share a few cute recipes for the holiday. I served them at last year's Feisty Chix book club annual Halloween bash -- in the "old" kitchen. The idea for last year's party was to come in your jammies and we'd just call it a Chick slumber party (without the slumber) and eat candy. Most of my jammies are moderately boring (or too racy for a book club party -- I mean, we weren't reading Anias Nin), so I opted to be my usual silly self and dress as "Britney Spears in her trailer park, 10 years from now."

"Unfortunately, the election coverage knocked the party off this year's calendar, but there's no reason you can't enjoy the recipes anyway:

Rest In Peas

Ingredients:

20 slices of those little tiny bread loaves by the deli counter (any flavor)
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
Pinch of cayenne pepper
2 boxes (10 ounces each) frozen peas, thawed and drained well

1 tube of black decorating gel

Directions
-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place bread slices on a baking sheet; brush with oil. Season with salt and pepper. Toast in oven until golden, 10 to 12 minutes.
-Heat butter in a large saucepan over medium heat until foaming. Add onion; cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 4 minutes. Stir in flour; cook, stirring constantly, until mixture begins to turn golden, about 4 minutes.
-Whisking constantly, gradually add milk. Cook until mixture thickens, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in cream, nutmeg, and cayenne. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in peas; cook until heated through, about 3 minutes.

-Pipe "RIP" on 8-10 toasted bread slices, put the rest on a separate small serving dish.
-Transfer pea mixture to a shallow serving dish. Arrange headstone croutons on top.

Cheese & Fig Platter

Ingredients:

1 large tub WisPride Cheddar Spread

1 large tub WisPride Port Wine Cheddar Spread

1 wedge peppercorn peccorino romano (or peppercorn parmesan)

1 bag large black grapes

1 qt fresh black mission figs, cut in half lengthwise

1 pt blackberries

1 container poppy seeds

plastic spiders

Directions:

-Dump the container of poppy seeds into a bowl.

-Scoop out the contents of each cheese spread tub and form into a balls. Roll in poppy seeds to fully coat.

-Arrange the different cheeses on a platter and cover and surround with grapes, figs and blackberries. Strategically place a few plastic spiders on the platter just for fun.

Eyeball Salad

Ingredients:

20-30 small balls of fresh mozzarella

6 green olives with pimento cut in 1/2 (through the middle so the pimento forms the "pupil")

1 pint grape tomatoes

1 can small black olives (pitted)

1/8 cu extra virgin olive oil

1/8 cu aged balsamic vinegar

1 T fresh minced or dried oregano

1 tsp coarse sea salt

1/2 tsp coarse ground black pepper

2 large dried peppers, sliced in strips (optional)

Directions:

-Using a sharp paring knife, cut a small cone out of 12 mozzarella balls

-Insert a 1/2 green olive into each hollowed out mozzarella ball, round end first (you may have to push it in a little to get it to stay)

-Combine all the remaining ingredients and toss, then pour into serving bowl.

-Arrange "eyeballs" on top

Other fun food photos from the party (Brain dip, Vampire Bites, Decomposing Salad):

Hard Wood = Hard Work

2008-10-26T12:50:00.001-07:00

I feel like I just finished a Billy Blanks class. My hands and arms are sore, my back aches and I'm drenched in sweat. I'd like to say I just got back from the gym, but instead I did what's called the "What the Hell Were We Thinking When We Installed 1500 sq. ft. of Wood Flooring?" Workout.

Can you say High Maintenance? Yikes. First I vacuumed the entire house. Then I swiffered the hardwood to get rid whatever dust the vac missed. And then I wet mopped. Twice. And now I need an Advil and a nap. This is exactly why people employ cleaning ladies or plop down $400 on a Roomba.

Is there an easier way to keep hardwood floors gleaming when you have two kids and two dogs? I think I'll request a meeting over at Proctor & Gamble and see if they like my idea of inventing Swiffer Booties. A marriage of the shoe covering worn by surgeons and Swiffer's dust-magnet technology, one would slip a pair on over his or her footwear at the front door and not only limit the tracking of dirt into my home, but also do their part to assist with the maintenance of my sanity.

I've dreamed up a few nifty inventions since the renovation. Maybe someday you'll see one of them on QVC. That is if I can find the time to research and prototype them when I'm not washing the floor!

What are you, Chicken?

2008-10-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Steve asked what I wanted for dinner and I said, "Chicken."

"Chicken" turned into a $62 trip to the Giant, because he took Madison with him. Expensive grocery store trips are a phenomenon in the Juris household typically associated with Allison because she fancies herself a mini Rachel Ray and appreciates the whole art of cooking. The more exotic the ingredients, the better. It is for that precise reason that Steve tries to hit the market during school hours, but there are times when Allie tags along and, batting her big blue eyes at Daddy, selects items like Ahi tuna, organic avocados and Caciocavallo cheese.

Yesterday was Madison's turn to invoke the pout and flutter her big greens. Two boxes of cereal, goldfish crackers, rice cakes, sugar wafers, yogurt, applesauce, sour cream & onion potato chips, peanut butter, corn syrup, brown sugar and a few mechanical pencils later, I did get my chicken, as well as a bag of spinach and a yellow squash.

Then I just had to figure out something to do with it. So, I came up with this delicious dish:

"Chicken a la Costly Grocery Store Trip"

3-4 large chicken breasts, butterflied
1 package of whole large leaf spinach
1 large can whole, peeled Roma tomatoes
1 medium yellow squash
2 cloves garlic
2 T olive oil
2 T fresh parsley minced
1/4 c fresh grated Romano cheese
1/4 c Monterrey jack cut into 1/4" cubes
salt & pepper to taste
1/2 lb - 1 lb egg noodles

1) Rinse and pat dry the spinach (unless you're lazy like me -- I just opened the bag and dumped it) and spread over the bottom of a 10" x 13" pan.
2) Open the can of tomatoes and using a spatula (or your fingers) to keep them in the can, pour the juice over top of the spinach. Then chop the tomatoes into small - medium chunks and set aside.
3) Slice the squash into small coins (1/8 - 1/4") and spread evenly over the spinach.
4) Place the chicken breasts in a single layer on top of the spinach & squash.
5) In a small bowl, crush 2 cloves of garlic into 2 T of olive oil and microwave for 45 -60 seconds or until hot & bubbly. Brush or spoon evenly over chicken breasts then sprinkle with salt & pepper and fresh parsley.
6) Spread chopped tomatoes over the entire dish.
7) Bake, covered with foil, 350 for 10 minutes or until the spinach starts to wilt. Uncover and bake another 10 minutes. Sprinkle both cheeses evenly over chicken breasts and continue baking until the cheese melts and the chicken is no longer pink.
8) Serve over egg noodles and liberally spoon the pan juices onto your dish.

If Madison wasn't eating with us, I would have also layered in some sliced hot cherry peppers, but since she was, we settled for dousing our individual portions with crushed red peppers. We decided that this dish would taste equally as good with swordfish. Also, sliced zucchini (instead of or with the squash) would be yummy as well. Feel free to substitute rice or another type of pasta for the starch. Hmmm, even mashed potatoes would work!

Four CRAZY Days

2008-10-17T18:03:00.001-07:00

It's almost like Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights, but half of that, and it was mostly days.

I was asked by one of my non-profit clients to make a DVD to be shown at their 40th Anniversary gala (this Saturday night), highlighting their mission. Robins' Nest is an organization in South Jersey whose mission is to make sure that every child has a permanent, safe and loving home. The video is chock full of adorable faces (one with an actual tear running down his cheek) just begging to be loved, cared for, and protected (one of the voiceovers in the movie).

I loved this project -- I love the organization -- I love the idea of helping children. What I don't love is the movie-making software that kept locking my computer up every 22 seconds and sending me into a downward-spiraling combination of depression, desperation, and despair. As the hours ticked by and I got no closer to completing this job, I alternated between crying, yelling, cursing, holding my head up by the roots of my hair and curling into such a tight, silent ball, a fetus would be jealous.

Alas, in the proverbial 11th hour, just as my gem of a husband predicted, logic (or is that luck?) prevailed and I solved the Rubik's Cube of all video dilemmas and got the DVD into a FedEx envelope, just in time for my "boyfriend-in-blue" to sweep her away and deliver her gently into the hands of my anxious clients first thing tomorrow morning.

I know this has nothing to do with the kitchen remodel... but it has everything to do with why I haven't posted any "after" pictures. I've been too busy noodling on the appropriate combination of prescription medications to consume, had this whole video thing not worked out.

I want to give a shout out (ok, I want to give thanks - it's not like anyone actually reads my blog) to my wonderful daughters & nieces, husband and my neighbor's adorable son who did voiceovers for the video. They were all wonderful -- even "32-take Steve" who laughed more than he read. But that is what made me fall for him in the first place.

I'm posting the MPEG version of the video at the bottom of the screen... It's a wildly crappy version of the real movie... but what do you want for an "MPEG?"

Stool Sample

2008-10-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

The finishing touch on the new kitchen is hands-down the new set of stools that Steve will tell you that he picked out, but in reality I hinted and nudged and badgered him about until he finally relented and hit the send button.

I thought I found the perfect stool at my aunt's house in New Hampshire. Unfortunately I was there for my uncle's funeral, so it was a sad, awful time for everyone, but I'll be darned if I didn't walk into her house and hear an Angel sing.

I thought to myself, "Oh wow, these would look lovely at my kitchen bar. Hmmm, I wonder who makes them?" And I took a photo... and then later, when it was appropriate, I asked her where she got them. And then when I got home, I took that info to the big old wide world web where I not only found those adorable little stools, but trumped them with the Michael Phelps of all stools -- the Hillsdale Fleur De Lis.

It is perfect in here. And it just may be able to command a gold in the Men's 400 meter, but I'd hate to test the waters (so to speak) by getting it wet. I'm content to just sit and look at my 3 little beauties in all of their hand-carved craftsmanship and supple leather and noodle on how life can get much better.

Overboard? Maybe a wee bit, but I'm still enjoying the honeymoon phase of post-coit *uh... construction bliss. And wouldn't it be just like my jokester of an uncle to summon me all the way to New Hampshire from the great beyond to send me directly down the path of nirvana?

I invite you to place your tushie upon one of them at our November 15th "Kitchen-warming, open house, fill-our-new-wine-rack" party. If you are reading this and you know where we live then you're invited. See you around 7:15?

The truly inviting (practically porn quality) merchandising photo of the Fleur de Lis.

The Fleur de Lis where it belongs -- at my bar! Vive la France.

Another view... seems lonely. We need some cooking going on in that kitchen!

My artistic side. Gotta love the lighting.

Haaaaaaaaa-lle-lu-iah!

2008-10-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

The kitchen, my dear friends, is finally d-o-n-e! It's over. Rob has officially left the building. Alright, that's not completely accurate -- he still has to replace one cracked cabinet door, but other than that, we've seen the tail end of the construction crew.

We are beyond thrilled. I love my new kitchen and plan to create a bunch of new recipes in it over the years. For now, we'll start with this one. A wonderful, hearty Autumn comfort meal.

Ham & Baked Beans with Cornbread
Ideally, this meal is best made with the day-after remnants of a fine, spiral-cut Honeybaked Ham. Barring the existence of one of those in your kitchen, you can use a small fresh ham. Just please, whatever you do, don't use a canned ham! Sacre Bleu.

2-3 cups cubed ham
1 bag dried white navy beans (seems oxymoronic, doesn't it?)
1 1/2 c ketchup
1 1/2 c water
1/4 c molasses
1/4 c honey
1 large onion chopped
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon salt
6 slices of uncooked salt pork or bacon, diced
1 c brown sugar

Soak the beans overnight in 8 cups of water. Drain and rinse. Combine all ingredients except for the ham in a slow cooker. Cover and cook on med/med-high for 6 hours, stirring occasionally. Add the ham and continue to cook for another 3-4 hours until the beans are tender and delicious and the ham is fall-apart-on-your-fork goodness.

In the mean time, prepare the cornbread. This may possibly be the finest side dish to ever cross your lips.

Prepare 2 boxes Jiffy Cornbread mix according to the package directions (1 egg, 1/3 c milk for each package). Let it sit for about 5 minutes until it begins to get a little "fluffy." You can tell this is happening by running a fork through it -- it will be slightly foamy.

Add:
1 can sweet yellow corn, drained.
1 can creamed corn
1 stick butter, melted
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup sugar
(hey, I never said this was a Weight Watchers recipe)
1-5 chopped jalapenos, according to taste and your tolerance for heat (optional)

Pour into a greased 9 x 13" pan and bake at 400F for 50-60 minutes or until golden on top and the center is just solid. You want this to be moist, so don't overbake.

Cool on a wire rack for about 20 minutes before cutting.

Serve perched on the edge of a bowl of steaming ham & beans and enjoy!

Now... some photos:

I took some of the photos at night to avoid the sun glare from the windows as well as show the lighting. This picture is also a good one "angle-wise" compared to one of the before pictures to show the actual before/after.

This is the best "before" picture I have as compared to the above after. Which only means that I stunk at taking the before pictures. We eliminated the "art niche" wall and one wall cabinet on the kitchen side. This completely opened up the entire first floor. Other than that, the balance of the footprint is basically the same with the exception of an island that's a foot longer.

I love my island. This was a work in progress and a labor of love. We changed the design a good 5 times after construction began. The left side houses a pull-out spice rack and the right side is a baking pan cabinet. The drawers are home to my new Calphalon Contemporary stainless pots & pans.

One angle of the kitchen during the day. This is a better representation of color.

I'm Floored!

2008-09-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

My original intent today was to log on and post a bunch of photos of my spectacular new kitchen. Aside from a thin strip of molding and a cabinet door that still has to be replaced which will mark the official completion of the kitchen, it is, for all intents and purposes, done.

But right now I just feel like whining. Actually, I feel like crying, but whining won't make me puffy and ruin my makeup. I spent the majority of this weekend putting the finishing touches on the first floor. I hung shelves and mirrors and artwork. I arranged furniture. I re-potted all the houseplants. I swept and vacuumed and got on my hands and knees to bring the floor to a reflective shine. And I dusted every nook and cranny.

However, as I type this, Rob is tearing up the entire foyer and hallway to lay new hardwood and I had forgotten exactly how dirty and loud that was the first time around. I'm sure it doesn't help that my office is situated directly below all the banging, but it also wouldn't surprise me if the neighbors called to remind me of New Hope's noise ordinance.

Unfortunately when they were installing the flooring the first time, someone dripped a big glob of liquid nail on the floor. That in and of itself is not a big deal -- just yesterday I painted a mirror and got a big stripe of green paint across the pink shirt I was wearing. Accidents happen. But I saw the spill and pointed it out just in case neither of the Robs noticed it. And then I went back downstairs to my office.

Later I did notice that the glue glob was gone. But it had apparently attached itself to the bottom of Rob's shoe and multiplied into little amoeba-shaped sneaker tread stamps up and down the length of the foyer. On the inside I experienced a full-blown panic attack, while on the outside I simply raised my eyebrows and pointed at all the new floor tattoos, speechless while Rob assured me that it was not a big deal. "No worries," he said in his confident, charming English accent. "A little denatured alcohol will take care of that. We'll clean it up when we're all done."

I wasn't happy, but I didn't want to initiate a conflict with the guy who still had a lot of electrical and plumbing work to do around here. So I let it go. For 8 weeks. Rob even went on vacation for 2 weeks and I cleaned and painted and organized around his sneaker prints, sneering at them in passing.

I made print removal our top priority upon his return and he quietly set off to wipe up the spots. And what I learned over the next two days is that denatured alcohol was definitely never meant to come into contact with this floor's specific finish. That and you should never use a green scrubby on a low-lustre hardwood.

The finish in an entire 50-square foot area became cloudy and mottled and picked up subsequent footprints that somehow became permanent blemishes in the new chemical makeup of the floor. On top of that, not only did the floor take on a permanent "fog," but after I cleaned it 3 times with the finest hardwood cleaners, it also began to squeak like the parquet at an NBA game. It didn't happen anywhere else... you'd just be walking from the kitchen, let's say, and all of a sudden, squeak, squeak, squeak, like Kobe Bryant might be rushing up behind you for the game-winning layup.

Rob tried a variety of cleaners. He tried an electric buffer. He really did want to make it right. But with each subsequent attempt, the finish just got worse. So, now, after we purchased 5 more boxes of wood, he's up there whacking and nailing away while I try to concentrate on writing this. I don't want to sound like a bitchy perfectionist. In fact, conflict of any nature makes me wildly uncomfortable. I just want the brand new floor to look, well, brand new. At least until *I* accidentally gouge it with a stiletto, or one of the kids drops a pair of 'point down' scissors. Is that too much to ask?

Potty Mouth

2008-09-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

I just fell in love.

I mean the head-over-heels kind of love where you just want to stare longingly and softly stroke the object of your affection. It's the kind of love that most mere mortals simply don't understand. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure it's a one-way attraction, but isn't that the fruit of many of the world's greatest love stories? But who knows? If my toilet could talk, it might too speak of a Shakesperean longing for my presence.

Maybe it's just the full moon talking, but I've been experiencing some sort of a weird animal attraction to my new powder room lately. I could just stand in there and admire my handiwork all day long. Or at least for a good, quality handful of minutes each day.

The powder room happened quite by accident, as it turns out. It wasn't even on the radar when this project began, but like many spectacular ideas, it was born of a desire for tranquility and peace. You see, long ago, I noticed that the original pedestal sink was crooked. But it wasn't a correctable type of crookedness -- the bowl of the sink was molded incorrectly, like the porcelain pourer was riding out a nasty hangover the day our particular unit came down the assembly line. Steve reassured me time and again that no one would ever notice and that I was being a little anal retentive -- which I admit is rather amusing in a conversation about a bathroom. I explained to Steve that just because (most of) our friends and family have the good manners to ignore such a defect, people will still notice, and, well, it just bothered me.

So, we set off on a quest to replace the sink. After 1 or 7 too many martinis one night, we hastily negotiated a deal with someone from Craig's List for their adorable scalloped pedestal sink, which I realized only after it arrived had 2 ribbed "shells" sculpted out of it for the soap. Now I have nothing against shells in and of themselves, but I don't want to rest my decorative soaps on them. I just kept envisioning the cleaning nightmare that might cause and admitted my lapse in judgment. Being the mensch he is, Steve allowed me to not only get a new sink, but do it without him by my side, virtually guaranteeing a sizable expenditure.

Ah, not so, boys and girls. I found the sink directly out of the fantasy in my head and the best part is that it was on clearance. So, I got the toilet too! Both have that wonderful, square "Kohler" line, which prompted the statement, "Rob, guess what? I have a great idea! Chair rail and wainscoting in the powder room! What do you think?"

I said to my co-worker Margie that it's almost easier to have limits -- to have constraints within which to work. But here I had this fantastic, albeit diminutive blank canvas to knock out of the park. The options were a bit overwhelming. And then I flipped through that day's mail and found the answer. Flowers. White plaster reliefs from Expressions, and then I thought dark brown background, and well, it all just came together. To stick with the "square" theme, I chose a Pottery Barn mirror, new towel/TP hardware, and a chrome/white 1-bulb light from Bellacor. The storage shelf is a do-it-yourself model from Target!

And I love it. I don't plan to start any movements for the legal rights of those in love with inanimate objects or anything. But I do love it.

Musical Storage

2008-08-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

"Honey...!? Where's the salt?"

"It's in the laundry room, top cabinet on the left, between the fabric softener and dog food, behind the tape measure, but in front of that extra hall light that we have to find a place to hang."

It's been a little nuts trying to find anything around here for the past couple of months. We've moved the everyday staples from cabinet to cabinet and from room to room as the guys shifted their focus from project to project. Our poor little nomadic small appliances are longing for a permanent location. But it was amusing watching Madison walk around the house with a piece of bread playing the "where is the toaster today?" game.

And you have to love the dining room table / cardboard box pantry we utilized for about a month. I've since filled all the solid wood slide-out shelves of my gorgeous new pantry and installed a security camera so that I may properly discipline those who dare to commit any sort of neatness or stacking infraction. Now *that* would have made an interesting before/after comparison, but posting a photo of the pantry before demolition would have just been an open invitation for a visit from the health inspector or the Dateline crew. "Quick Harry, put your HazMat suit on and get a camera crew in here! How do they live like this?"

Soon. We can put everything away properly soon. Or so I've been told.

Can I offer you a snack from under this lovely drop cloth?

I'm starting to feel like the husband in that scary Julia Roberts movie who kept all his labels neatly turned to the front.

And today the kitchenette is in the family room.

And for this week it was in the laundry room (before the w/d arrived).

I'm taking up Boxing...

2008-08-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's not even funny. No, seriously, I don't have a single funny thing to say about living among the Stonehenge of boxes here.

I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if all we were renovating was the kitchen. I could have designated one other room in the house as the holding area and maybe hung some curtains around it so I wouldn't have to look at the clutter 24/7. But, because we're changing something about every room on the first floor I feel like I'm in the life size version of one of those little junk puzzles you used to get as a prize from the dentist. You know the one where you have to slide the little plastic squares one by one around the track to form a picture of a zoo animal or firetruck or something.

Welcome to my mess... pull up a box, we'll chat.

You Spin Me Round, Round, Baby Right' Round...

2008-08-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, yeah, so the thing about a blog is that it doesn't do anyone much good unless the person who initiated it actually writes things and post photos every now and then. So sue me, I've been busy.

One day when Madison was somewhere in the 3 1/2-4 year age range and we were inhabiting the townhouse I owned between husbands, she was standing in the doorway of the laundry room learning how to fold washcloths. She was really into helping with chores back then and in retrospect, I wish I had taken better advantage of it -- maybe opened a little Chinese Laundry / illegal sweatshop for some extra mad money. Ahh, but I digress...

So, she pointed to the big square thing we were taking the laundry out of and asked, "What's that called?"

"That's called the dryer. It dries the clothes," I answered.

After only a moment's hesitation she cocked her head and nodded slowly like she just discovered the Pythagorean theorem and pointing to the other big square thing said, "Oh, right. So, I guess then that would be the wetter?"

So, the first thing that the Robs did after the initial wall and pantry demo was hang some kitchen cabinets in the laundry room. All we had in there before were wire shelves and an aging wetter & dryer. They both still worked, but the washer at some point lost the little pointy doohickey that tells it to rotate through the cycles. It was probably a 50-cent part that GE would have charged $99.99 plus shipping for, so we never got around to replacing it. Instead, we took a page out of the trailer park handbook and did what our white trash brethren would have done -- we duct taped the crap out of it. About 8 times out of 10 we'd have to run the rinse/spin cycle a second (or third) time after a fresh application of "silver magic," but we knew that eventually the new W/D would arrive and the angels would sing and all would be right in the world again.

We decided on the LG front-loading steam washer and dryer in white without the pedestals, but my back sent me an email with a CC to my chiropractor the other day insisting that we reconsider that decision.

The photos below are the before and after shots of the Laundry Room (click on the photos to enlarge them). Rob put down a new tile floor and installed the cabinets and existing piece of formica from the kitchen. Steve actually tackled the paint which is an astounding accomplishment because sometime before I met him, he coined the phrase "Jew don't paint" as a way of getting out of all Sherwin-Williams-related jobs. I didn't believe that he really had zero aptitude in this area, so a few years ago, after a full day of painting our new offices, I bullied him into helping me out with the last wall. Wouldn't you know it? On the third stroke of the roller, the handle broke, the paint-coated roller went flying, spewing a lovely shade of buttercup everywhere, and he just looked at me with that "I told you so" face. Anyway...

The "Family Organization Center" is from Pottery Barn. Each of us has our own mail slot and place to charge our electronics. I also got the corkboard and key/"stuff" organizer. Hopefully this will help us keep the clutter out of the new kitchen.

If you have any ideas or comments, please feel free to post them. You just need a free google account. Ta-Ta for now. --LJ

So this is the messy old laundry room. What you can't see in this picture is the litterbox to the right of the W/D behind that junky chest of drawers. Kitty ended up in the big catnip factory in the sky however so he didn't factor into the renovation.

Ta-daaa. Presto-chango. Humans live here now.

This is the view in from the garage. The white 'blob' on the wall is a reflection from the overhead light, not a reflection of my dear husband's paint job.

And this is the coat/backpack rack that Steve made and some more inspirational artwork. Hopefully our kids will have good stories to tell and won't end up on Dr. Phil touting their Running with Scissors-esque memoir one day.

Let the Demo Begin - July 7th

2008-08-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

On Monday, July 7th, after a nice, long holiday weekend, our contractor Rob and his sidekick, (also named Rob), began the demolition portion of the remodel. The first thing he did was smash a few holes in the wall with the head of a hammer to perform a little "wallinoscopy" with his cool new video probe. He was able to determine that there was nothing important in the wall we intended to demolish (like duct work or tarantula colonies) and we could happily move forward with the existing plan.

I had to leave for a dentist appointment, but joked on my way out that I thought Steve might have a few polyps, and would he mind helping a brother out with that nifty scope? I figured it was important to give them a shot of my warped sense of humor right out of the gate so they'd have a taste of what they'd be in for over the next few weeks.

By the time I got home a couple hours later, they did indeed have the wall down. They also tore out the old pantry and discovered that some plumbing had to be moved. Ahhh, our first snag. And so it began... (click on photos to enlarge)

So... How about a facelift?

2008-07-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'm going to say that it was at least three years ago when Steve and I began to feel the new-kitchen itch (or the "kitch" as I like to call it). I think it started when he dropped one of those shamelessly enormous Sam's club cans of Extra Virgin Olive Oil on the edge of the stove and gouged out a sizable chunk of porcelain. I look back at times and wonder if in a swift, Matrix-like move, he softened the blow with his head, because lately he's just been a little "off."

Steve knows the routine market fluctuation of stuff like mangoes and avocados. He can indefinitely do without anything one can purchase in a retail establishment unless it's on sale or he's got a coupon code. In fact, this is a man who once declared that he wasn't buying flavored creamer anymore because he considered it a "luxury item." Steve went 20 years without driving a new car and after he finally broke down and bought his coveted 5-series BMW, decided he was more comfortable scooting around town in the used Maxima his customer turned in post-lease and gave me the keys to the Beemer. My adorable husband has been known to break out in hives from the way I feed my new book addiction with large and frequent boxes from Amazon.com (and has suggested on more than one occasion that he'd be more than happy to drive me to the local library on a regular basis). And it goes without saying that he still owns clothing acquired during the Reagan administration.

The conversation began innocently enough. "You know hon, we should probably replace this stove soon. This is the third time that the oven is inexplicably not working and it would be great to upgrade to something more professional, don't you think?" How that morphed into "Oh, here's an idea--let's gut the entire first floor and invite a gaggle of contractors to live with us all summer," I'm still unclear about.

We talked about upgrading the 10-year old leaf green Formica to granite. And sure, if you're going to replace one appliance, you might as well look into buying the matching set, right? That's as far as I really thought it would go. And then we started with the magazines, and the kitchen books. We started privately critiquing our friends' kitchens and fantasizing about our dream kitchen. We made a pilgrimage to Expo and started a mental database of needs, wants, and 'when we hit the lotterys.' And then we hired an architect.

We got ideas for everything from making a few modest cosmetic upgrades within the existing footprint to blowing out walls and combining rooms to create the mother ship of all professional-grade kitchens (which, in our house, would be like encrusting the steering wheel of your '76 Pinto with Swarovski crystals). We consulted builders, collected quotes, and cut holes in walls to see what was feasible. We even dragged a realtor to every available home under $1million in our school district with the thought that it might just be easier to up and move than to undertake the kind of project into which this was slowly evolving. Eventually we decided to take a breather and maybe plan a vacation or something. Anything to get the kitchen off our minds for a while. And then my sister-in-law renovated her kitchen.

That's when the kitch grew from a nagging but mild discomfort into a brain-melting, life-consuming, oxygen-sucking beast with a mind all its own. Karen had her first glimmer of thought about renovating, consulted with friends, hired a contractor, drew up plans, chose her cabinets, counter tops, floors and color palette, and had an extra set of keys ground in less time than it typically takes Steve and I to decide what to grill on the weekend. Karen was a woman with a mission and went from Start to Checkered Flag in less than two months! Steve was inspired. He was awestruck. And then, suddenly, he was on a bender.

Before I knew it, my squeaky little hubby was waving his AMEX all over town like Wilma Flintstone in a prehistoric mall (Charrrge It!). Suddenly the white cabinets that had plenty of years' service still in them were, in Steve's mind, straight out of a trailer park and could be lived with no longer. The appliances had to be stainless and sleek and chunky. And we'd never be able to match the existing hardwood, so off we went on a mad dash to find the perfect floor -- for the entire first level of the house and the staircase (ok, so the staircase was my idea). And while we're at it, let's re-do the laundry and powder rooms and all the first floor lighting.

But wait, there's more... How about a few new coats of paint, crown molding, 5" baseboards, and for giggles, let's replace the front and back doors? And what do you say about a flat screen TV and entertainment console for it to hang over? Then there are the little extras like register covers, drawer pulls, and a new doorbell. I finally had to put my foot down when he called, breathless, from Home Depot to tell me that garage doors were on sale.

So, step by step, here's our story... and this is only the beginning.

Here are the "before" shots...